Exhaustion and Darkness Can Lead To Paths I Don't Want to Walk

I'm really tired. I suppose that's not illogical - I usually operate on between 5 and 6 hours of sleep a night, but I'm just "bleh" right now. So, instead of hitting the running track (and since my knee is still bothering me), I'm going to swim today. I can't say I'll be any more awake, but I won't run into a wall. 

I'm just "bleh" today. It's dark, I'm cold, and I'm
exhausted. I should allow myself more sleep, but
I can't. I have to get my time in at the gym. Some
days it's hard to get up. 

I was so tired last night that I only got a single bead attached to my Owl Project before I told myself I wasn't seeing clearly enough to actually get some work accomplished. Like I said - "bleh". At least I got some work done at the shop yesterday. It wasn't a total waste of 24 hours. Sometimes days can seem as if they are - a waste. 

I would probably be better off getting more sleep, but it's the fact
that I am at the gym 5 out of every seven days that makes the
end result worthwhile. Not all days are easy ones. Today is a
bit harder. 

Maybe it's the darkness that gets to me around this time of the year. I wake up in the dark, I go to sleep in the dark, and the only light I get to participate in is through glass panes keeping the warm in and the cold out. I know that the dark would be much worse if I lived any farther North, so I guess I'm grateful I'm not living in Canada or in Alaska, but I miss my light. I am a creature of light, color, and the interplay of the wind causing the shift of both. I don't reside easily in the half-tones of the dark. 

I need the moon and stars, but at this time of the year, seeing
them clearly also means bitterly cold temperatures - no real
ability to stand out in the yard and look at the night lights. 

Is the darkness a mystery, hidden challenges and opportunities lurking around the next corner? Is it comforting - a chance to lay down your burdens for a time and relax in the embrace of sleep? Although I love the moon and the stars, in these dark days of February when the clouds most often occlude that view of hope, I turn inwards and become introspective and self-questioning. This is the time of year when I can spiral downward and lose myself in the darkness. 

Roy T Bennett may have been onto something here. It's a lot harder
to put that distance in when depression hits than when people are
upbeat and happy. Long periods of darkness and cold can bring
depression to the doorsteps of many people. I'm not immune to
depression, but I recognize the signs and I actively work myself out
of it as quickly as I can. 

So I cling to hope, live in light, and try to soak up those times when the sun and I are able to interact a bit. Even a small amount of bright blue sky and brilliant light, although the surroundings might be decorated by banks of snow, can life my spirits. Today I'll carry on in the darkness, but tomorrow I'll once again see and walk in the light. Have a glorious Tuesday and I'll be back tomorrow.