Day Off Thoughts

It's my day off today and it's a heat wave - instead of -12 F, it's -5 F and it's supposed to actually get above zero today. Whoo hoo! It's hard to comprehend a day above zero these days, which tells me that I'm really meant to be a hermit in the wintertime. But I need to run some errands, and I need groceries, so I'll have to venture out for a while today.

I enjoyed participating in the Snowflake Challenge and got enough
positive feedback that I will try and be brave once more. I may regret
this, but I'm willing to try putting my fiction out in a more open way again.

I promised people in the Snowflake Challenge that I would become braver and put more of my stories out there in my personal journal instead of just in selected community postings as well as post them more often to the archives. That's one of my goals today since I have two completed drabble series that need to be uploaded as well as one story. So I plan to work on that, beta for Iris, and scan some project articles I found as I was throwing away extra copies of some of the magazines the store carries. I might even bring the portable heater down to the computer room and warm it up a bit more. It might be a rollicking -5 F, but it's still darned cold.

The Toho Design Challenge provided the beads you see above. These were
the only beads that could be used in the project. I'm 70% finished with mine, and
I love the way it's turning out, but then life got in the way. 

A bit less than a year ago I accepted a beading challenge project and I got fairly far with it, really enjoying the feel of a needle and thread again. But then my father-by-marriage died and my scheduled free time disappeared. So I have an unfinished project that I had promised to turn in. I've been feeling guilty about that and would like to pick it up again. I'm almost caught up with writing projects (except for my o-fic, of course) so I may try to carve a bit of time out to continue working on this.

I'm looking at about six different text reading software programs. I want
to find one that is versatile and that can run on both Win XP and Win 7.

Speaking of o-fic, a wise friend suggested that I read my book aloud to discover where I feel I started moving away from the original plot path to figure out the best way to get things back into the direction I want. I thought that was a marvelous idea, but really didn't want to sit down and read 100,000+ words aloud. HOWEVER, within a couple of weeks, an author whose blog I follow was talking about the very same thing. She used a computer program that reads the files aloud for you in a variety of voices that you can choose. Now this sounded interesting. I've started doing the research on programs that I think may work best for my application and my type of computer system (she uses Apple, I use a PC) and will choose a software program soon. Then I can begin to listen to my book and see whether it is worthwhile or not, where I might have gone wrong, and what I might be able to do to fix it. Lots of work there, but I feel good about it.

This particular picture is from Manitoba, Canada where their normal temp at
this time of the year is -11 F. I guess -5 F suddenly sounds better to me ...

So, as I bundle up and make plans to be at my computer doing various things for most of the day (along with errands, laundry, and other miscellaneous stuff) I will wish each of you a fabulous Hump Day! Be safe, be warm, be happy!

Be Careful What You Ask For

Was it only a few days ago that I had decried the lack of writing assignments on my plate? Silly me! I had forgotten about the LOTR Community Challenge, which has now come through, my Tolkien Weekly challenge is continuing to make me think with every post, and I now have my assignment for B2MeM 2014 with a firm deadline. I guess I'm busy after all - LOL.

Between all of the assignments listed above I have my novel. But my novel is in a "bothering her" state right now. This is a point in time when I think about what I've written to this point, the next direction I need the plot to go, and how my characters need to get there, and I'm bothered by how it will all work out. I'm taking the advice of a good on-line friend and will start rereading my novel from the beginning to see about getting things back on track and eliminating some side plot lines that are bogging things down.

Aearwen and I had a great talk about character development yesterday during our weekly schmooze. Although she thought that having a gripping plot with good writing would keep people interested in a book, and I didn't disagree with that, I also pointed out that how a character is written may well be the difference between success and failure. I've been reading through the works of some authors who write characters that jump off the page and grip me, and comparing them to works where I feel that the characters are dead and lifeless, even though the plot is good enough to keep me fighting through to the end of the book. So I must ask, "What makes a character live on the page?"

Character development is a central part of each creative writing course I've taken or audited over the years, and it is the core of most books. Some authors can sell their books simply based on their history with readers. I put Stephen King in that category. He's an accomplished writer, can draw out a good tale and makes sure to hit plot twists, unexpected movements, and strong characters. But he doesn't pull me in as much as other authors and I admit that I put down his latest, "Doctor Sleep," without coming anywhere close to finishing it. I'm not sure I'll pick it back up again.

Isn't he a wonderful character? What storyline could you devise to explain
his location and history? 

I want to read a book that draws me with both a great plot as well as a selection of really interesting characters whose welfare I care about. If one of those two elements is missing, I'll feel unfulfilled as I attempt to read the book. Often I will push my way through and read the book anyway, especially if it is by an author whose work I have enjoyed in the past. But if one or the other of these two aspects doesn't come through, the book falls flat and becomes something that I would sell for next to nothing at a garage (or rummage) sale. Having interesting characters that grip the reader is something to strive for in my own writing.

Have you read a book lately that gripped you and wouldn't let you go? Tell me about it in the comments and maybe I'll find a new author or plot to dive into.

Even Negative Progress is Progress

So, one cookie recipe was successful (nom, nom) and the other wasn't, resulting in a tin of lovely cookies and a baggie of miscellaneous ingredients that was thrown into the trash. Such is life. I'll need to figure out what wasn't working with the roll-ups and try those again when I've determined that. But the butterscotch stars are actually quite good. Now to start changing the batter so that it's a bit lighter. That's me...never satisfied.

Whoever made these example stars from the cookbook was a bit better at
keeping the shapes regular, but even though my stars may
not be as elegant, they taste really good. 

But I tried a second recipe and threw it away. It made me think. Often we start something and realize after just a few minutes, a few hours, a few days or even longer, that what we started just isn't going to work. It can be something as fast and easy as a recipe, as complex as a relationship, or anything in between. I had no problem realizing that the refrigerator batter wasn't doing what it was supposed to and throwing it out, but it's much harder to do that when you have more invested in a project. Also, you don't want to call a halt to something when you may just be in one of those "ick" passages that we all have to go through.

Every project, short or long, goes through an :ick" factor. 

"Ick" passages are a normal part of creating and often it is where the artist or author wants to just pound their head against a wall and ask themselves once again why they ever started the project. I get to this point with each and every art project that I make and just force myself to push through. Usually I end up pleased with the result and decide that the trials and tribulations were well worth the effort.

Why do we have to go through the uglies to get to the pretties?

I get to this stage with all of my writing also. I'm at that point now with my o-fic and it's driving me crazy. After more than two years of research and more than 120,000 written words, I'm at a point where I'm thinking about shelving it and moving on. That's a decision I won't take lightly, but it's such a big project and I'm just not sure if it will ever really be able to bring the two stories back together. I'm worried about plot holes large enough to drive a truck through, too much telling instead of showing, a tertiary plot line that came in a short time ago that just rings wrong, and other things. I'm questioning my basic premise, the directions that the characters are going, etc., etc., etc. And I also know how I need it to end - but OH...the curves, the twists, the headaches! It's so tempting to put it down and yet...I can't allow myself to do this. I love this book. It may be something that will never be read by anyone other than me, but I love the characters.

My story starts with Mandy seeing the face of a young man
in the window of a derelict house. But it sure takes a long trip
to get back to that point. 

So I'm going to look at where I'm at with my novel as one more "ick" passage and try to push my way through it. I'm going to hope that the editing process, which is where more than half of what I've written will hit the editing room floor and disappear, will actually pull things together and that I will love the end result. But to do that I have to get back into the groove. I think I'll write for a while with my morning coffee today...

Words that can translate to authors and artists as well. 

Have a wonderful Friday!

Summer Dreams in the Deep Freeze

While we're still in the deep freeze (and my house seems to be hovering around 63 F - cold but tolerable), I'll be thinking about June today. I'll get things opened at the shop, but then come back to my house to register for Bead & Button Show classes at noon.

Andy Cooperman's Master Class is entitled
"Personal Projects in Zengineering". It would
have been a fun and challenging course to
take, but I'll take other fun things instead.

This has been a year of debate. Originally I was going to attend a Master Class with Andy Cooperman while my friend Shruti from India took Celie Fago's metal clay Master Class. But she told me a few months ago that she wouldn't be able to attend this coming year after all, so I pulled my registration application from Andy's class and decided I would go to Colorado to do some on-site research for my novel instead. However...DH encouraged me to rethink that decision. So I opened the catalog of classes and finally narrowed it down to several classes I found interesting. I guess I'm going to Milwaukee for Bead & Button Show after all, just for a shorter period of time.

One of the classes I really want to take is a soutache cord
and beads class by Amee K Sweet-McNamara. We sell
the cord at the shop and I'd like a better idea about
how to use it effectively 

Class registration opens at noon today and, as usual, I'll be at my computer ready to get the four classes I have decided upon. The classes don't come without a serious financial commitment, and I still have to make my hotel reservations which I will also need to get nailed down as soon as I have my classes nailed. It's been nice having a low amount on my Discover card, but that won't be the case when I go to sleep tonight.

This Kandinsky painting is from 1923. I love the interplay of shape and color
that all joins together in a balanced, beautiful whole. I know that abstract
art isn't for everyone, and there are artists whose work I don't like, but
Wassily Kandinsky was a master and I adore his work.  Maybe
I'll go on Sunday for a short time before driving back home. 

I'm torn about my Thursday schedule. I will hopefully have a class on Thursday that will keep me busy until after 3:00 pm and the Preview Shopping Night opens at 4:00 pm through 9:00 pm. BUT, there is an exhibit at the Milwaukee Art Museum that opens on Thursday on Kandinsky and the only night they are open late when I can get over there to see the exhibit would be Thursday night when they are open until 8:00 pm. I'm torn. I have Wednesday off from classes, but the Kandinsky exhibit doesn't open until Thursday and that's what I would really like to see.

This picture is of the San Juan mountains in southern Colorado. Although
I'm featuring mountains a bit farther north in my novel, I love this area
of Colorado. 

One way or another, my early summer will be scheduled by the end of today and I'll have four classes to look forward to taking. That'll be fun, at least, and the rest of the schedule will all work its way out. I hope to still make it to Colorado at some point during the year to spend several days at the Historical Center and take a few days of driving in the mountains to examine routes, mountain peaks, and towns that appear in my novel. I'd also love to see my cousin who moved back home to Colorado from California last summer. But that's all still in the air. Today I concentrate on playtime.

Ruts and Writing - A Discussion of Routine and References

The holidays are finally over, but routine is escaping me. I know that to be successful with my writing, my art and my business, I need to have a fairly strict routine. I need to write every morning, I need to work a regular schedule, and I need a predictable life. Predictable schedules may sound boring to my readers, but I thrive on them. Right now, it's as if I'm living in the end of 2013 without having moved on to 2014, yet the calendar is rather emphatic - time has moved on but I'm still bouncing over the ruts in the road.

Ruts in the road can stall anyone. To get around
them requires careful skill behind the wheel. 

I know this is temporary, but it's really bothering me that I've only written less than 1000 words in my novel over the past two weeks. There are very good reasons for it, but it's bothering me because my characters got left at a very bad part in their plot and they are screaming at me to get moving onward to a more exciting town and year in their lives.

My poor characters are stuck in one of the most boring
parts of their plot, and I haven't had the time to finish
that segment and get them moving once again. 

I was finally at work yesterday, after two days off, and we were happily busy all day with in-store and mail orders getting pulled, processed, and packed. One of my school district teachers placed a large order just after Christmas and it's looking like we finally were able to get a final decision on some items so that I could run a final invoice through to submit to her purchasing department. I should be getting the final go-ahead on this on Monday and it should be in the mail on Tuesday.

Wouldn't we all love a job like this?

I need to stop reading so much Janet Evanovich and get back to reading my "how to publicize your novel" and "self-editing for writers" books. They may not be as much fun as reading about the crazy life of Stephanie Plum, but the more serious books actually do teach me quite a lot. The problem is, I love reading the novels, but the do-it-yourself and how-to-improve books are a much slower and less enthralling read. If anyone could actually write a book on a serious topic that was as enthralling as good fiction, they would be set for life.

There are twenty books in the main Stephanie Plum series now, and
I have most of them on audio. I decided to buy a lot of them when
there was an e-book sale and I've been reading my way through them
again. So funny!

So I'm looking at my messy desk (yes, the clean desk I had a few months ago is once again ridiculously messy) and the books that surround me on all sides. Above me I have Strunk and White's "The Elements of Style" next to my two copies of Beatrice Potter's "The Tale of Peter Rabbit" - one in English, the other in Egyptian hieroglyphs. To my immediate right are my copies of Tolkien's "The Silmarillion" and "The History of Middle Earth Index", along with six reference books dealing with places that my original characters pass through in my novel. The maps detailing their journey are on walls in the next room with the master within reach of me here at my desk.

I love my hieroglyphic edition of Beatrix Potter. My
BFF Sharon bought this for me for Christmas several
years ago and I treasure it. 

To my right on the floor are more reference materials along with catalogs from museum exhibitions. Behind me are technique books for metal and jewelry techniques. Looking around me I suddenly realize why my Nook and my e-reading apps on my phone are among my best gifts ever. I have almost 500 books on my Nook alone, not counting fanfic, and it has saved a lot of trees as well as allowing me to not have more books taking up my space. I love books, but over time I've realized that not all books need to be physical and that there is a definite place for e-books. Now to continue writing my own contribution to the library of cyberspace...

A Happy Weekend and Le Tour (of course)

I had a happy weekend - well...to be more precise, I had a happy Sunday since I work on Saturdays. I woke early, watched Day Two of Le Tour de France and did some beadwork. I went to the fabric store when they opened to get something I needed for my current project and totally scored - two small pieces of fabric (because I couldn't make up my mind about color), a spool of thread, a 40% off coupon and a 10% off everything sales day equaled a sale of less than $5.50. SCORE!

There is something so marvelous about shopping for fabric. I love
going to my local fabric shops. 

After returning home I helped DH with his chainsaw work, went grocery shopping, ate dinner and watched Iron Chef America and the final episode of Inspector Lewis. I'll miss the Inspector and Hathaway - they worked so well together and the writing was marvelous. But I knew it was the final season *sigh*

Inspector Lewis and Hathaway were a wonderful duo solving crimes
in Oxford. I loved the scenery, the plots and the characters. Looking back
at pictures of Season One and comparing them to now, they've certainly grown
older in the roles, but they play them beautifully. I'll miss them.

Today's Le Tour is still on the island of Corsica and it's a twisty-turning mountainous course where no single part has more than 200 meters on the straight. When I think on the miles and miles of straight road that the riders often go through in the middle of France...well this will be quite the change. It's a mid-range length at 145.5 km and, as always, it will be a joy to watch the boys do their thing.

Day Three has lots of twists and turns, hills and mountains (one Cat 4,
one Cat 3 and two Cat 2) and is the final day in Corsica. It's been a
joy to see this lovely island and the gleaming turquoise seas that surround it.

The bus getting stuck underneath the banner at the finish line of Le Tour on Day 1 has got to be one of the funniest things I've seen in many years. The sheer idiocy of the banner being too low and the bus actually being taller than any other team bus led to a comedy of errors. It took almost 15 minutes for the lemmings swarming around the bus to come to a decision, back up the bus out of its captivity, and send it down the side lane. Sure the side lane is meant for the smaller cars, but when necessary...well. All turned out fine after all and it made the front headlines of news services throughout the world. Totally laughable.

The bus getting stuck under the banner was one of the funniest things
to happen at Le Tour in many years. The banner is stiff and actually
damaged the air conditioning unit on the top of the bus. The bus ended
up being backed up and moved down a side road that goes off to the left.

I had hoped to have a piece of o-fic ready to submit for possible publication today but I knew it probably wouldn't happen, and indeed it did not. I only heard about this particular anthology on Thursday - a 3000-8000 word story to fit within their parameters. I did get 1000 words written, but I just don't work that quickly for finished work. I like to read and edit time and time again. But I did turn in my Fixed Length Ficlet to the LOTR Community. When entering the story into my database I realized that I chose the same number of words last year. How totally bizarre! I had no idea. I guess I must love 333 words - LOL. The story will be released closer to the end of July.

I love strawberries. Actually - I love fruit and veggies.

So, it's Monday. I've already cleaned two pounds of strawberries and washed five pounds of grapes, washed my hair and responded to reviews, packed up my beading project, put the TV tray back into its stand, and cleaned up the kitchen. *whew!* I think I need a nap! Have a totally fabulous Monday!

Hope

Never give up hope. It's a word that's easy to say but hard to live when your life has crashed around you. But the rescue of three kidnapped women from a Cleveland, Ohio home late yesterday has brought hope back to three families who had been clinging to gossamer threads for more than ten years. A set of situations coalesced to allow Amanda Berry and two other women along with a six-year-old child to be rescued from a run down house in Cleveland. They had been kidnapped and held for ten years or more by three brothers. Their rescue was nothing short of miraculous - a neighbor hearing a woman calling out for help forced the front door open, allowing the women to leave and phone 911. A neighborhood and a city are celebrating today.

Amanda Berry and Gina DeJesus were two of the women rescued yesterday.

My latest novel centers around never losing hope. Although I'm only a few chapters into it, that seems to be the thread that will hold it all together. As always, when I start writing something outside of the Tolkien universe I needed to break away from the writing to do some research. Fortunately, research can be fun, especially in this age of the internet, Google and You Tube, so all is good. I'm dreaming of the story so I feel comfortable with how it is progressing. I also have two short stories in the Tolkien universe in the works and they are turning into a lot of fun, so I'm back into a writing groove again.

So many things to do, so many things to look at.
Bead & Button Show is the largest bead show in the
nation. I've attended every year since the mid-1990's.

Good experiences can create hope and for me, my annual experience is the Bead & Button Show. I always look at this week of classes, social engagements and friends with hope that it will be an amazing week and that everyone I meet will be happy to have shared this time with me. I received my badges and tickets in the mail yesterday. Nothing ever seems real until I'm holding these in my hand. But in less than a month, I'll be in Milwaukee enjoying the experience of being surrounded by creative people, learning new ways to play with metal and fire, and trying to not spend money that I don't have. I'll be paying this vacation off until late this year but it's worth it. I finally got the classes paid off in March, then I paid for my trip to Chicago when I paid down my credit card bill yesterday, and now I'll have a hotel bill to pay off until the end of the summer. Attending the show usually gives me nine months of paying my credit card down, but seeing good friends and the high of being with people who are creative and artistic - well, as the commercial says, "Priceless".

Hope is a small flame, but it must never be extinguished.

Hope is such a human emotion. It buoys us up in rough waters, gives us strength to forge on when everything looks dire, and pushes us to do our absolute best. It is hope that keeps someone diagnosed with a serious  disease to keep fighting, it is hope that keeps a parent in difficult circumstances focus on raising a child to do have a better life, and it is hope that allows me to think that someday, in an unforeseeable future, there will be peace on this planet. I refuse to give up my hope. 

A Helping Hand and Future Fun

My day off will start busy, but good. Last week my friend Cindy phoned asking if I could help her remove curtains and curtain rods from her living room. This is my friend whose husband passed away last year in April and her mobility is quite limited due to MS. I'll be happy to climb up with screwdrivers (and possible power tools) in hand and get these pulled down for her. She'll be moving to Indiana soon to stay closer to her remaining family and her daughter. I think in the long run that will be a great decision for her and despite her reservations, it will end up with positive results.

Yippee - power tools. Gotta love them!

A customer had mentioned that the Field Museum in Chicago was holding an exhibit on the Lascaux Caves while I was going to be in Milwaukee attending the Bead & Button Show in June. I emailed my roommate to see if she had the day free to go down to Chicago and attend the exhibit, but she has classes scheduled for each day. So I decided to go on my own, as I have done several times in the past. Yesterday I had a chance to go on-line and purchase my train tickets and my museum tickets. It will be a long day because I'll have a scheduled event at the Convention Center that evening from 8:00 pm until 11:00 pm and I catch my train in the early morning at 6:15 am (very long day), but it will be SO worth it.

The bulls are so beautiful - such economy of line yet holding
strength and motion.

So many of these amazing Paleolithic caves are being closed off or severely restricted for visitation because of the damage that people unintentionally bring with them. People's body temperatures slightly raise the temps as they look at the paintings. People breathe and their exhalations are warm and moist, also leading to degradation in the quality of the paintings. This exhibit offers an opportunity to actually see the cave paintings in true reproduction - as close to the actual caves as I will ever be able to get. I'm over the moon that I get to attend this.

Horses and other animals chase each other across the upper walls/ceilings.

I hope that they have a great gift shop with pictured catalog books of the art available for purchase. I know my DH would love to have been able to attend with me and unless the exhibit travels to the Twin Cities, this may be as close as he can get. A good catalog can make up for some of this and can join our other catalogs in our bookshelves.

If I'm correct, the exhibition will actually have the cave replicated and I'll
be able to walk through as if I was discovering them for the first time. How
amazingly wonderful!

I also heard of a book cataloging software app this morning that I'm going to look into. I have thousands of books in hardcopy that we have always wanted to be able to catalog. I'll look into "Book Catalogue" this afternoon and see if it might work well for our collection. Maybe technology will come through for me one more time.

I remember card catalogs similar to these for libraries. I searched for books
for hours when I was writing school papers and my Master's thesis. Now
these can be electronic instead of index cards. If this program allows me to scan
the bar code or just enter the ISBN, I'll be in 7th Heaven!

And one last note. I had written a revision of the Rumpelstiltskin story for Untold Press for an open call for their next book. Unfortunately the story was not accepted because it didn't quite meet the undead criteria that they were shooting for. Oh well. It's still a good story that I'm very comfortable with. I'll start looking for a few other venues to submit it to before either keeping it for a possible future story collection of my own or putting it out there in my archives for all of my readers to enjoy. I'm actually happy to have an opportunity to shop it around a bit and, possibly, to add to my virtual rejections wallpaper. Two steps forward and one step back still results in forward progress.

Cold Run Around Day

Today it is frigid. I'll be running around doing errands wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt and my hoodie (Le Tour de France, of course) underneath my down coat and ear warmers. I'm grateful that I will only have to be out in the temps for a while, but I know I'll have at least two separate in/out of the home today. Ick!

Who can resist a pug dressed for winter's cold?

Last night I submitted the final copy of my newest story "Straw into Gold" to the publishers for consideration in their newest anthology. I'm pleased with the work, and I think it will meet their criteria for the format, but I don't know if it will be accepted or not. As I recall, last time it took quite a long time before I heard that "Dragon Seeks a Wife" had been accepted for Dragonthology, so I'm not expecting a fast turn-around on this either. But after almost three weeks of work on a story of less than 10,000 words, I'm happy with the quality of what I wrote and I hope they like my twist on the well-known Grimm's Fairy Tale.

I'm not sure if this is the cover of the 1819 version, but
it is one of the older editions. Can you help?

Oh, a call-out to anyone who may have access to the 1819 version of Grimm's Fairy Tales. I have one citation that I need to find in the original or re-write if it is not there. It would have been in the 2nd edition of Grimm's which was published in 1819 (actually published twice in 1819). All I can find on this is secondary sources which are always questionable, so if you can help, please get in touch with me.

I'll start working on CB's illustrations today as my next project kicks to the front of the line. I hope all of you are warmer than I am today. I'll be thinking warm thoughts while I run around...

Frozen Beauty

As we dive back into the freezer here in Minnesota, I wanted to share some of the beauty that winter and cold temperatures can bring. Winter is harsh and pushes all of us to our limits, but snowflakes are incredible micro sculptures of nature and when water freezes incredible things can happen.

Snowflakes are so amazing. This photo is a stunning
example of nature's symmetry.

Before I flip over to pictures I also wanted to send thanks to Kei, Aearwen and huinare for their assistance on two recent stories of mine. Huinare caught one sticking point in my SV story. I'm still working out a suitable replacement but it was a good catch and I thank her here publicly. Kei and Aearwen looked over my newest o-fic that I want to submit to my publisher for consideration in a new anthology and both of them were very helpful and sets of new eyes that I desperately needed. Hugs go out to all three of these friends who came through for me and helped my writing improve.

Now...on to waterfalls - the frozen variety...

This amazing waterfall is from Estonia. The colors are so rich!

Some people enjoy climbing frozen waterfalls. I'd rather
be sitting comfortably warm in front of a fire with a cup
of tea or hot chocolate...but that's just me.

Looking at frozen waterfalls is always rather
amazing. Waterfalls are so powerful, and winter's
cold has pulled that power to a complete stop.
It's rather freaky in a way...

This waterfall frozen rather puffy - it's really fun to
look at, isn't it?

I hope that you day stays warm and cozy and that all goes well for you today. I'll be wandering out in half an hour to shovel in sub-zero temps - time to bundle up again *sigh*...

Revisions, Retrenches, Rethinking

So yesterday I posted about the difficulties I was having with my newest o-fic story and how it just wasn't working. I put more thought into it and decided to scrap the storyline completely and begin again with a different story track. Now the story is flowing and I see where it is heading. Since today is my "day off", I'll continue working on it between shoveling more snow, shopping for groceries and doing laundry. Tonight I want to work on some beta work that I owe to Lai, so I'll be at my keyboard for the rest of the day, at least as much as possible.

I ordered several different Tarot decks on Sunday night that are on their way to me now. In the interim I've been playing with a daily free reading on facade.com to get a basic feel for the cards again even though I'm not holding virtual cards in my hands. I've got to say that I've never had such negative readings in my life and it makes me wonder if I'm such a horrible person.  I know I'm selfish and can be single-minded and overly focused in my endeavors, but the virtual cards have really been kicking my butt (even though they have chosen some interesting decks.

Yesterday's random deck chose the Voodoo Tarot of New Orleans for a Shadow Truth 5-card spread, supposedly chosen to illuminate things I would be hiding from myself. The first card, the "Attitude You Assume" was "The Tower" - unforeseeable catastrophe. I usually associate The Tower with throwing out elements that don't work - a psychic cleansing, but decided to go with their definition for this spread. The 2nd card was for "Underlying Thoughts and Feelings" and was the Nine of Cups (reversed) meaning vanity, conceit, smugness and overindulgence. Ick! I don't want to be perceived as smug!

The New Orleans Voodoo Deck is one I would never have chosen.

Card #3 was for "Evolving Attitudes" and the card was a Wild Card (reversed). This is a non-standard card unique to this deck so I have no equivalent in other decks. Their interpretation was "The most extreme of unexpected events, leading to shock and humiliation. The invasion of everyday life by forces primal or transcendental. Sex, violence, and regret." OK...Double ICK!!  No...really don't want this!

Appropriately for New Orleans, the Tower

card is actually called the Deluge card.

So working through to the last two cards, #4 was for "Perception of Others" with the Ace of Swords standing for meeting a challenge and new ideas and information. This was MUCH better. The final card, #5, stands for "What I am Hiding From Myself" and that toppled right back into the negative personality aspect with the Nine of Disks (reversed). This card implies elitism, snobbery (here I go...a snob again), a lack of discipline and contempt for labor. Oh dear...I guess I have to get back into the groove again to get this better.

The Ace of Swords card is rather bizarre in this deck.

So...if others do perceive me as a snob, how best to change that? I'm not saying I'm not one - I can be high-handed and have a delusional sense of self-importance and I am well aware of that. I also know that this is armor that I have carefully crafted year after year that I place between myself and my dark sides of depression and suicidal thoughts. So, maybe I'm not too willing to give up the plate armor just yet. I built it for very good reasons.

It is a little elaborate for my personal armor...but so pretty!

So how would you do? The website is facade.com. Go take a look under Tarot and see what you get for your daily free reading. It can be illuminating, although it may also cause you to think thoughts that might be uncomfortable.