Revisions, Retrenches, Rethinking

So yesterday I posted about the difficulties I was having with my newest o-fic story and how it just wasn't working. I put more thought into it and decided to scrap the storyline completely and begin again with a different story track. Now the story is flowing and I see where it is heading. Since today is my "day off", I'll continue working on it between shoveling more snow, shopping for groceries and doing laundry. Tonight I want to work on some beta work that I owe to Lai, so I'll be at my keyboard for the rest of the day, at least as much as possible.

I ordered several different Tarot decks on Sunday night that are on their way to me now. In the interim I've been playing with a daily free reading on facade.com to get a basic feel for the cards again even though I'm not holding virtual cards in my hands. I've got to say that I've never had such negative readings in my life and it makes me wonder if I'm such a horrible person.  I know I'm selfish and can be single-minded and overly focused in my endeavors, but the virtual cards have really been kicking my butt (even though they have chosen some interesting decks.

Yesterday's random deck chose the Voodoo Tarot of New Orleans for a Shadow Truth 5-card spread, supposedly chosen to illuminate things I would be hiding from myself. The first card, the "Attitude You Assume" was "The Tower" - unforeseeable catastrophe. I usually associate The Tower with throwing out elements that don't work - a psychic cleansing, but decided to go with their definition for this spread. The 2nd card was for "Underlying Thoughts and Feelings" and was the Nine of Cups (reversed) meaning vanity, conceit, smugness and overindulgence. Ick! I don't want to be perceived as smug!

The New Orleans Voodoo Deck is one I would never have chosen.

Card #3 was for "Evolving Attitudes" and the card was a Wild Card (reversed). This is a non-standard card unique to this deck so I have no equivalent in other decks. Their interpretation was "The most extreme of unexpected events, leading to shock and humiliation. The invasion of everyday life by forces primal or transcendental. Sex, violence, and regret." OK...Double ICK!!  No...really don't want this!

Appropriately for New Orleans, the Tower

card is actually called the Deluge card.

So working through to the last two cards, #4 was for "Perception of Others" with the Ace of Swords standing for meeting a challenge and new ideas and information. This was MUCH better. The final card, #5, stands for "What I am Hiding From Myself" and that toppled right back into the negative personality aspect with the Nine of Disks (reversed). This card implies elitism, snobbery (here I go...a snob again), a lack of discipline and contempt for labor. Oh dear...I guess I have to get back into the groove again to get this better.

The Ace of Swords card is rather bizarre in this deck.

So...if others do perceive me as a snob, how best to change that? I'm not saying I'm not one - I can be high-handed and have a delusional sense of self-importance and I am well aware of that. I also know that this is armor that I have carefully crafted year after year that I place between myself and my dark sides of depression and suicidal thoughts. So, maybe I'm not too willing to give up the plate armor just yet. I built it for very good reasons.

It is a little elaborate for my personal armor...but so pretty!

So how would you do? The website is facade.com. Go take a look under Tarot and see what you get for your daily free reading. It can be illuminating, although it may also cause you to think thoughts that might be uncomfortable.