Bleh! - Just Bleh!

I'm feeling a bit cracked today. DH is angry at the world - his football team, although playing fairly well, lost this week, and his hockey team hasn't been playing up to expectations (they ended up losing again last night - that's two games in a row, so not good!). Of course, when he's angry, he'll take it out on his bridge game on his phone (which he yells at constantly) and on me. 

I don't know for sure which Bridge game 
program he plays on his phone, but he 
gets intensely angry at it for not 
following convention. I haven't 
played bridge for years and years, 
and have no interest in it at all. 
I play solitaire - in many varieties. 

Last night, he got up from bed and started to put on his robe to go downstairs because he was so angry at me. All I did was ask him why he bothered playing the stupid game if he couldn't play it without anger. Apparently that was the wrong question to ask. Bleh! Since it was 8:30 pm and I was only a half-hour away from my normal bedtime anyway, I told him I was leaving, and I went downstairs. He stayed upstairs and I went to sleep. 

Bleh - just, Bleh!

Around 11:30 pm I awakened stressed to the max about closing the store - how it will go, how to handle it, how to actually sell the stuff instead of have it "walk away" and how to handle the long receipts and long check-out times because the actual sales will be relatively slow. Our computers are hanging in there, but there isn't any easier way to check people out. 

I have several small bottles on my computer shelving 
containing white opal chips. They have distilled water 
in them to keep the opals moist. That moisture is 
essential to keeping the flash in low-grade opals and 
the bottles were only $5, so I know they're not 
very high grade. I'm beginning to feel as if I'm a 
bottle of opal chips where the water has evaporated. 
I'm losing my flash. I'm finding that very 
depressing. 

So I sat up with my phone, did a little research on people who can help organize something of this nature, and felt a bit better. I tried to get back to sleep, and couldn't manage it. I finally found one of the hypnosis relaxation meditations I had used when I had stressed over getting my tattoo, and settled in. I didn't fall asleep within 10 minutes like before, but I was asleep before the full hour's hypnosis was completed, and I slept through until my alarm came on at 3:15 am. 

At least I have swimming today. That's always a positive 
thing. I get a lot worked out in the water of the pool. 

So now I'm dressed for the swimming pool, and I'm going to wrap this up and head out in a few minutes to get into the water and get some exercise. I think I really need to get some more angst out, and I really need to put some serious thought and effort into how we can close effectively. All I know right now is that it won't be easy. At all. Have an excellent start to your week and I'll be back tomorrow. 

I Have a Dryer and Thoughts About Food

We have dryer! The repairperson was scheduled to show up between 6:30 am and 9:30 am, but actually arrived shortly before 8:30 am. By the time 9:15 am rolled around, the dryer was back together, he was backing out of the driveway, and DH was hurrying out the door to get to work on time. I had a different repair guy this time, and I liked him a lot. Not really a talker, but very efficient and answered my questions without hesitation. I did four loads of laundry after he left, and used my dryer, and every load was perfectly dry. I'm elated. No more laundromat! DH gives the repair 90 days. I wrote the date on my calendar - I think it will last far longer than that. 

I was busy cracking walnuts and pecans while 
chatting with Aearwen yesterday afternoon. I got 
a good portion done by the time we signed off 
for the week. 

I was so busy with laundry and grocery shopping/cooking that I didn't even get a chance to settle in front of a computer until after 2:00 pm. I was still getting up all the time to rescue clothes from the dryer or do the next project in the kitchen, but at least I had a chance to catch up with different people during the afternoon. I had my weekly phone convo with Aearwen (delightful as always) while I was cracking walnuts and pecans to make a mixed nut arrangement of my own choice. I had purchased some hazelnuts, Brazil nuts and almonds at the store, and wanted to crack some walnuts and pecans to add to them. Then I'll shell some pistachios, and my personalized nut mix will be complete. I love nuts, but the commercial mixes just aren't the nuts I want. 

Have you ever seen cashew nuts in the wild? This 
is what they look like on the tree. The nut itself 
is protected by a toxic shell. Here's a short video 
that tells you all about cashews. 

Speaking of nuts, I'm trying to wean myself away from one of my absolute favorite nuts - cashews. I already eat very few almonds because they are water guzzlers and not an environmentally friendly nut tree, but I was totally unaware of the human toll that harvesting cashews requires. Although cashews have been a favorite of mine for more than 50 years, I'm knocking them out of my diet because I can't support forced labor or poisoning people who process these nuts for our consumption. 

I'm thinking a roast beef for Sunday might be perfect. 

DH told me yesterday that I've "ruined" his Sundays and I'd better present him with menu choices for this Sunday. I think he's out of line, but I'll give him a single choice - roast beef with honey roasted carrots and roasted green beans with slivered almonds (I already have the almonds on hand from a few months ago). Will this "menu" work for him? I have no idea. 

If we move into winter, it's going to knock a lot of veggies 
and fruits out of our selections. We'll be using sweet 
potatoes, kale, beets and other root crops for our salads. 
Here's a nice looking kale salad. Kale isn't one of 
my absolute favorites, but I can deal with it knowing the 
season will move into Spring soon. 

I'm fairly sure WildFit will be moving into a winter season starting next week which will blast our massive fruit intakes down considerably and push our bodies to start burning fat as a fuel instead of burning sugar. I know weeks six and seven are always thought of as the hardest weeks by anyone who has gone through the program, so I'm really looking forward to finding out what changes will go into effect on Monday. On that note, I'm out of here. Have an excellent day and please be kind, stay safe and please wear your mask. I'll be back tomorrow. 

Time to Slide Into Spring

Late tonight is the official slide into Spring - Ostara, otherwise known as the Spring Equinox. Then we're on the climb up to summer. That's a bit hard to believe, up here in the Frozen Northlands. We have a winter storm coming in by the end of the week that should dump 1-3 inches of snow on us. But, I really can't complain - we've had excellent weather for the past three weeks with nary a snowflake in sight. This one will be in and out quickly. 

Many people use the rabbit as a spirit guide during the
time of Ostara. I only wish our area actually had
green grasses and flowers at this time of the year.
Still, we're above freezing and most of the snow of
winter has melted. 

I'm finding it very hard to get into a home exercise regime, but I know I really need to do it - no if's, and's or but's. If I don't get a schedule settled and start working on the treadmill and floor exercises, I'll balloon, and that won't be pretty. I don't have a pool (I'm weeping here in the corner because I really miss my pool), but I have two legs, I have equipment (old but still quite functional), and I have the time. No excuses. I'll let myself wallow for a day or two more, then make a new schedule for a "new" life. 

The seeds planted in Spring will become the harvest of
Fall, at least that's the age-old promise. This Spring is
a bit more strained and desolate than previous ones. I
hope things will be resolved by Fall. 

My store is still open, and I'm really hoping it can continue operations for as long as possible. We're prepared to close indefinitely if the order comes down, but so far we're OK. The coffee shop next door isn't allowed to have seating for customers any more - it's operating on take-out/pick-up only, so our parking lot suddenly has a lot of open spaces. That's rather refreshing and enjoyable, so I'll take the good along with the bad. But I know the coffee shop owner, Kathy, is taking a financial bath from the new restrictions. 

I really like this image because it looks as though
she's sitting in the remnants of winter's snow. This
is more like my part of the world - a bit cold for new
growth and flowers. 

I was shopping at my local grocer yesterday, and they had some pretty decent produce, which was an excellent thing. But there wasn't a chicken breast to be found. The entire chicken section of the meats aisle was empty! Of course I have things in the freezer that we can eat, but I really missed my weekly chicken dinner last night. Oh well, maybe I just caught the store at a bad time. They'll get restocked at some point and the store is very close. 

I loved the colors of this depiction of Ostara. Honor Spring in
whatever way seems best to you, but know that we're on a
recovery mode now - Spring is finally here as of late tonight,
and I can't be distressed when I'll soon see flowers. 

So, as the financial markets continue their bath in the red, and people continue to pull up their drawbridges and isolate themselves from their neighbors, I'm thankful for the internet. We're isolated, but we're not. Because of the internet, we're all in contact with many people, and I stretch my hands out to all of you who read my blog and who are my cyber-friends. Be safe, be happy, and I'll be back tomorrow. 

Flying Into the Sun - Just Watch Me Burn

Tomorrow DH will drop me off at the airport before he heads to the shop. I'll be in South Dakota by early afternoon, pick up my rental car and head southwest to Chadron, Nebraska, the closest town to Pine Ridge, South Dakota, that has hotels. I have a reservation there at a hotel and then will figure out my next steps. It's going to be a rough 24 hours, being pulled into the mess that will accompany my attendance at the wake and funeral of my brother. Family dynamics are always interesting. I'll fly back home on Sunday in the late morning. 

I feel as if I will be flying into the sun. The emotional tornado
I'll be walking into with eyes wide shut frightens me a bit. I don't
think I would be doing this at all if my sister Maja hadn't come into
town and if she wasn't going to be there at my side. 

DH remarked last night that I'll be seeing a lot of people I haven't seen for decades. True, that. It's rather intimidating in some respects. Emotions always tend to run high at gatherings like this, but I'll just have to focus hard on why I'm there and try to stay out of the emotional blackmail issues that are certain to crop up. 

I've been a box turtle for more than fifteen years now, staying
away from the Reservation since Grandmother's death in the
early 2000's. It's going to feel odd being back there once more.
I'm going to pull my "elder status" around me like a blanket. My
bald head will be my protection. 

Of course, I'm arriving back home too late to attend the event where I was scheduled as speaker on Sunday. It's unfortunate, because I had really been looking forward to speaking to the group. I phoned the other speaker yesterday and explained that I had a death in the family and had to miss my talk. She, graciously, offered to read my talk to the group if I email the text to her. It was very kind of her, and I'll get that text out to her today. 

It was extremely kind for the primary speaker to volunteer
to read my speech on my behalf. I'm taking her up on
her offer and will send her the text today. 

I'll pack tonight, catch a plane tomorrow, and return on Sunday, emotionally drained. One of my e-friends commented on yesterday's post that I should remember that I'm there for my brother - to focus on that while the maelstrom occurs around me. Great advice, and I'll be doing my very best to keep that focus. I owe this much to a man who meant a great deal to me. Attending his funeral will allow me to finally end that part of my life and move on to my next goals without baggage. It'll be good. 

I'll be leaving my emotional baggage behind
me on the Rez. I have a life ahead of me that
won't include visits back to Pine Ridge for any
foreseeable reason. 

So, I'll be back tomorrow with a post, but then I'll be on "radio silence" until Monday morning. Have a great day! 

Maslow - A Ring, Not A Ladder

I'm still phoning Social Security and leaving a lot of messages. I'll be doing that all day today too. Maybe sometime Stephanie will get tired of my messages and actually get back to me? One can hope. But in the meanwhile, life goes on. Like many of you, I practice my art and my crafts regularly, because practice improves the final result. Life is like that in many ways. Many years ago a gentleman named Maslow came up with a ladder - a ladder of personal achievement and contentment. I'm sure you've seen it in the past. It looks like this: 

Maslow's Hierarchy - there's actually a lot of good here, but does
it apply the way it's presented here? 

The structure is presented that you start at the bottom and work your way up, each step getting closer to a life of comfort and self-actualization. Of course, that bottom layer - food, shelter, clothing, air to breathe, water to drink, and the ability to have offspring comprises the basic essentials of life on this planet. All creatures start at the baseline, but then we begin moving onward, and it becomes a little harder with each step. 

Here are the basic needs for humanity. Actually, I'd say these
are the basic needs for all of life on this planet. 

Safety - something that a lot of people simple don't have. This covers employment, personal security, health, property of one's own and resources available if needed. This is still pretty basic. It is one step above "Let's find an empty cave to camp out in for a while," and has moved to "Let's rent an apartment that's close to a grocery store." I do consider the first two steps on the hierarchy to be essential to most people's lives, but I'm also well aware that some people don't get to Stage 2 at all. 

We come into human needs with the next level - Orange. Here
you are looking for a job, need your health, and want
items that belong to you. You also need a certain level of
personal security. 

Stage 3 is intimacy - a companion, a friend, a lover. Stage three won't put food on the table or a paycheck into your hand, but it fills a need that we all share - that need for a friend to turn to. You start reaching out to other people when you're a baby. You smile, you coo, you reach up your arms, and you spit up over their shirts. Friendship can sometimes be a bit of a trial. That interchange with another person, that back and forth and having one another's backs, it can be a lifeline when the two stages below it become a bit rocky and unsteady. 

The yellow level give us connections outside ourselves. This
is important for most people and animals, but not 100%. The
pool is shrinking. This is the first level that I put on the
outside of the ring. It's important, but not essential. 

I think the last two stages are the hardest to achieve and to stand on securely. Esteem is not only self-esteem (not the easiest goal in itself), but also the esteem of others expressed through respect and recognition. It also comprises the freedom to strive for this stage, something that usually requires the first three stages to be somewhat secure. Our tower of chairs is starting to wobble quite a bit. 

Here's what comprises most of the outside of my ring. These are
essential to making a person, but not as important as breathing
and eating. Still, they have importance. 

Finally, self-actualization is at the to of the ladder - the stratosphere. Here is your personal drive to be the best that you can be. Hmmmmm ... here's where I disagree with Maslow. I think, even though you might be fighting for your next meal, trudging to the next watering hole, or digging yourself out of the latest problem, you won't care at all if you don't want to improve yourself. After all, if you don't want to be the best you can be, why bother at all? . 

Sometimes just hugging a teddy bear is everything! 

So maybe Maslow, instead of being a ladder, should be a ring with each step important. The interior of the ring is the metal - that's your physical needs which are paramount. But the psychological needs, equally important but a bit harder to nail down when you're starving or on the run, those are the decoration on the top of the ring. That's where the orange, green and blue reside. All parts of the ring can be touched at any time when you wear it, but only the inside is in constant 100% contact with you at all times. 

So there you go - my philosophy for the day. Why do all of this? Because we can all grow and get better at any time. On that note, I'm off to the gym, and then I'll start phoning Social Security once again. That's a red item, so I need it on the interior of my ring. Have a great Wednesday, I'll be back tomorrow. 

I'm Getting Eyebrows

I've got 20 minutes to get this pulled together before I leave for the gym. Update - eyebrows. Yesterday afternoon I had an appointment with Heidi about getting microblade eyebrows. Somehow I don't mind being bald, but I really miss things that will pull people's attention down from the head and back to the face. Without eyebrows, it's tough. We met for 1/2 hour and talked about how and what and when and where and all that good stuff, and I left with an appointment in a couple of weeks. I'm getting eyebrows, and she's the perfect person for the job. 

I haven't had eyebrows for more than two years, and they
were pretty skimpy before then. I'm really looking
forward to having them again, and she's got a light
touch - 10 hairs at a time, working from one brow to
the other to keep the balance. 

I'm also seriously thinking about also hiring her for permanent eyeliner. That would be a totally separate job, and I don't have to decide on that right away. The eyebrows are what I think most important. 

I don't want anything crazy for eyeliner, just very thin to bring
back the look of eyelashes. Plus, I'm not that great with an
eyelining pencil. We looked through some pics of her
customers and she's definitely the person I want for the work. 

I told DH he's buying my eyebrows for me for my birthday present. He chuckled and agreed. Huzzah! I'm going to have to save up a bit for the eyeliner - the cost is the same as the brows. And, of course, I can't swim while these are healing, so it's going to be another 3-4 weeks out of the pool for each procedure. *sigh* I guess I'll be getting really good at the elliptical and the bike. I hope I'll be able to swim again by the time the outdoor pool opens on Memorial Day weekend. 

B2MeM is going well for me, and there are a lot of
wonderful stories being submitted. It's been a lot
of fun, and it's also exactly the time-sink I was
worried about. Oh well - LOL. 

Back to Middle Earth Month is progressing well. It's Day 7 and I've posted one story every day, incorporating the assigned elements for that day into a single tale. I could write individual things for each prompt, but my time is limited. It's far better for me to combine and conquer. That's it for Thursday, I'll be back on Friday. Have a great day! 

Reviews - They Can Get Under My Skin

I had a post half-written and I've deleted it, as I've deleted a lot of responses to a review the past 24 hours. I'm going to switch this post over to a post about something happy, because I remember how my published friends work with reviews - at least those that get under their skin. They just continue on, secure in the knowledge that they won't EVER please everyone. I won't please everyone either. In the end, my writing isn't earthshaking. I'm no Hemingway or even an Amy Lane or TJ Klune. I'm just an artist who happens to write because I see scenes play out in my head and have to write them down. I am going to continue on with the story I'm working on because I'm enjoying the way the story is working out. I'll write the characters and stick with my goal of working my way through B2MeM while having a good time. I won't please everyone. That's OK. 

I should have just allowed the first review to slide by, but
I attempted to explain my choices. Bad idea. I admire the
author of the review, but I'm letting this drop. Now. 

Instead of falling down the cliff, I'm going to fly. I'll learn from
some of the review comments. But I'm tired of dwelling on them. 

I'm going to my happy place - time to get to the gym, and then
Chipotle for dinner and a day off tomorrow. Happy me! 

So I'm going to have a good day today (maybe finish the current chapter and get that posted), have a great dinner from Chipotle, and relax with DH for tonight and tomorrow. If you're in the US, don't forget to set your clocks ahead tonight - Daylight Saving Time begins early Sunday morning. Enjoy your weekend. 

Delete and Redo - Selective Editing in Life

I've really been enjoying the new season of "The Voice" which started last week. So far two people who had been turned down in earlier seasons tried out again and this time they were accepted and now move on in the competition. It's a good reminder to me that sometimes things don't work out on first run, but to revamp, renew, and try again.

The judges for this season (Season 10) of The Voice are
Blake Shelton, Christina Aguilera, Pharrell Williams and
Adam Levine. Here they are turned away from the singer, ready
to hear an audition. 

I knew singers auditioned for the show, but one of the young ladies accepted last night had auditioned seven times before finally moving on far enough to try her song in front of the judges for the blinds. Yet one more example of perseverance. And yes, she got at least one chair turned and got to choose a coach. For those who don't or can't watch the program, "The Voice" is a televised vocal competition that begins with blind 90-second vocal auditions. If the singer can get at least one of the judges to push their button and turn around for them (thus, no longer being 'blind'), they will have a coach and can continue to the next round.

This is what the singers want to see - turned chairs and white lights
indicating that a judge wants the opportunity to coach that singer.
Here, Christina and Blake are ready to fight it out. Who will win
the singer for their team? 

Isn't life like that - a lot? I think of how many times I revise my writings. It's no wonder the big things - the novels - are still languishing on my hard drive. I often put hours of work into simple 100-word and 300-word stories/chapters. Stories I've written with hundreds of thousands of words are an editing nightmare. Sometimes we need a re-do or a good editing for life as well. Is something becoming too difficult to do? Has the enjoyment gone out of a project or event? Maybe it's time to edit that out of your life and focus on those things that are fun or that allow you to progress to the next day with a smile on your face. If it's a project, just finish it and get it out of your life. Maybe you can trade with someone else - they paint the trim while you corral the two-year-olds or something. Make it work!

You can't escape everything, but you can make everything count. You'll
still have to do things you don't want to sometimes, but selective
editing will make the whole much more palatable. 

This does NOT mean you get to escape all of the not-fun items in life. You still have to go to the dentist, you still have to exercise and watch what you eat. You will still have bad days as well as good. But it does mean that when you look back over a week, it will be with a smile and the color that stands over it in your mind's eye will be one that you like, not one that depresses you. Choose wisely, young Padawan. Time marches on and there are NEVER enough hours in a day. Have a fun Wednesday - I'm getting my garbage and recycling to the curb and then I'm off to the pool. Oh happy Guppy Day!

I Don't Tolerate Fools Lightly, Or Why I Shouldn't Be Working Retail

So, today in my store email account, I got a small, unsigned missive from a dissatisfied customer. Now, that's really not that rare, I get at least one a year. This one followed the normal standard - complaining about how rude I was, giving no real details of the transaction, adding no signature to the short note, and as always, telling me that she was a long-term customer who had spent lots of money at my shop. Le sigh ... le sigh.

Le sigh. Do I care? Well...not really and here's why...

Let me establish right off the top that I actually know what I'm talking about when it comes to my products, how they are used, and what is possible to accomplish with them. I've been doing this for 27 years of retail and an additional 15+ years of working with these items, so yes - I'll put my 40+ years of working with beads and leather up against your 'experience' any day. My problem is only one - I don't suffer fools gladly.

This just about says it all...

This is why I don't teach any more. I don't have the capacity to explain something again and again and yet again to the same person and watch them making the same mistake time and time again. I have to figure that there's something in me that attracts bright, talented and fabulously fascinating people in my areas of craft, because they've gathered around me and pulled me into a variety of events throughout my life, even though I am not much of a team player. But I am impatient as an instructor, recognize that in myself, and no longer teach even though I have people who have told me they would take any class I decided to hold.

I do love George Carlin.

I'm afraid I was a bit snarky to this woman, and I'm saying woman because 90%+ of my customers are female. I read through her complaint, told her that without more information about when she was in or her transaction/what she had asked, we certainly couldn't address her complaint, and then I was a bit mean. Or not. You can decide...

Sometimes you just have to think "Really? REALLY?"

Her final words on her email were "Lady, you are a wack job who needs counselling." I'm afraid I signed off with a small instructional: "Oh, and  'wack' is missing an 'H' and 'counselling' is spelled with a single 'L'." Do I feel at all guilty about losing this particular customer? No - not really. In fact, where some complaint letters really burn me, this one just made me laugh. I'm sure I'm better off without her. Dollars aren't everything.

I doubt I'm going to change now. I'm embracing my inner bitch instead. 

My fabulous Denver Broncos won last night and will face San Diego on Thursday, so I'm smiling this morning despite fools. Have a great Monday all. I promise I'll be more uplifting tomorrow...or maybe not... LOL.