Flying Into the Sun - Just Watch Me Burn

Tomorrow DH will drop me off at the airport before he heads to the shop. I'll be in South Dakota by early afternoon, pick up my rental car and head southwest to Chadron, Nebraska, the closest town to Pine Ridge, South Dakota, that has hotels. I have a reservation there at a hotel and then will figure out my next steps. It's going to be a rough 24 hours, being pulled into the mess that will accompany my attendance at the wake and funeral of my brother. Family dynamics are always interesting. I'll fly back home on Sunday in the late morning. 

I feel as if I will be flying into the sun. The emotional tornado
I'll be walking into with eyes wide shut frightens me a bit. I don't
think I would be doing this at all if my sister Maja hadn't come into
town and if she wasn't going to be there at my side. 

DH remarked last night that I'll be seeing a lot of people I haven't seen for decades. True, that. It's rather intimidating in some respects. Emotions always tend to run high at gatherings like this, but I'll just have to focus hard on why I'm there and try to stay out of the emotional blackmail issues that are certain to crop up. 

I've been a box turtle for more than fifteen years now, staying
away from the Reservation since Grandmother's death in the
early 2000's. It's going to feel odd being back there once more.
I'm going to pull my "elder status" around me like a blanket. My
bald head will be my protection. 

Of course, I'm arriving back home too late to attend the event where I was scheduled as speaker on Sunday. It's unfortunate, because I had really been looking forward to speaking to the group. I phoned the other speaker yesterday and explained that I had a death in the family and had to miss my talk. She, graciously, offered to read my talk to the group if I email the text to her. It was very kind of her, and I'll get that text out to her today. 

It was extremely kind for the primary speaker to volunteer
to read my speech on my behalf. I'm taking her up on
her offer and will send her the text today. 

I'll pack tonight, catch a plane tomorrow, and return on Sunday, emotionally drained. One of my e-friends commented on yesterday's post that I should remember that I'm there for my brother - to focus on that while the maelstrom occurs around me. Great advice, and I'll be doing my very best to keep that focus. I owe this much to a man who meant a great deal to me. Attending his funeral will allow me to finally end that part of my life and move on to my next goals without baggage. It'll be good. 

I'll be leaving my emotional baggage behind
me on the Rez. I have a life ahead of me that
won't include visits back to Pine Ridge for any
foreseeable reason. 

So, I'll be back tomorrow with a post, but then I'll be on "radio silence" until Monday morning. Have a great day!