Transgender Day of Remembrance - Carry It In Your Heart Today and Always

Today is the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance, where people around the world honor the memory of those who died. Not all died by murder, although a large proportion of these people did. There was also death by suicide and, of course, by COVID. In the United States 47 lives were lost, 386 lives lost world-wide. Of course, this list is incomplete - not all deaths are reported, not all are even found. 

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance worldwide. 
Hold those who have been killed because of their 
sexuality in your hearts today. We lost amazing people 
over this past year. For a list of those killed in the USA, 
click on the link. 

Still, we live in a world of extremes, and apparently sexuality is also supposed to be black or white - no in-between. If we can admit that everyone has a different personality, different likes and dislikes, and different ways of approaching problems, why can't we admit that everyone's sexuality also differs. After all, we're not chasing after the same sexual partners. 

We are finally acknowledging that people are on a spectrum - a spectrum of intelligence, a spectrum of personality and of course, a spectrum of interests and sexuality. We are not all interested in the same things (thank goodness). While learning to admit the differences in our daily lives, why would we ever think that sexuality was only singular - male and female. Yes, that's what's required for reproduction, but reproduction isn't sexuality, although it can be enhanced by sexual attraction. Sexuality is attraction, desire and focus outside of the limited realm of reproduction, and it's as individual as clothing and music choices. 

So please, as you move through today, think about those who lost their lives over this past year only because they were perceived as "different" and therefore, threatening. I'll be back tomorrow - be kind, stay safe and please wear your mask. 

Acknowledging The Spectrum - TDoR

We're old, my hubby and I. The modern world is pulling him kicking and screaming into cultural and sexual identity awareness. I'm finding it rather liberating, he's finding it very confusing. Raised in a world of "male" and "female" as acknowledged identities, he's finding the sexual spectrum WAY confusing. I admit, it does take some thinking to acknowledge not only cis, but others along the spectrum. Yesterday, a crossword puzzle that he was doing had "them" as a clue for a plural reference used as a singular sexual identity and he was confounded. 

I admit, the use of "they" or "them" in reference to a single person who is gender fluid can be confusing. The first novel I read using the terms caused me to stumble for a while until I got into the flow and understood the manner in which it was used and the character using it. I have to assume that a cis-male raised in the Roman Catholic tradition and educated in parochial schools could have some problems with the expanded gender definitions and identities of today's populace. I imagine that people throughout the world have difficulties accepting some sexual identities and I know that people throughout the world, and also here in the USA, are bullied, assaulted, and even murdered because they identify as non-cis - i.e., somewhere different along the spectrum. 

Human sexual identity is not just black and white (or
blue and pink). There are varying degrees along
the wide spectrum. 

Every year there is a Trans-gender Day of Remembrance. This occurs in November, right around Thanksgiving Day. Did you know there is such a day? Have you ever read the Spreadsheet from top to bottom? Have you drilled down to other years? The 2017 spreadsheet I've linked here is accurate as of November 12, 2017. I'm quite sure there are names that have been added to this list since then. 

TDoR was held on November 20th this year. Why
did it take me so long to post this? A variety of
reasons, not least of which it took me this long to
read the entire list through my tears. 

We're moving into the major holidays now. Hanukkah is winding down, Christmas is coming quickly and Kwanzaa will follow on its heels. Then New Year is the start of a new slate for many. Perhaps it's time to think about those who are along the spectrum while you celebrate your holidays. My annual donations are all going to projects that support homosexual, trans-sexual, trans-gender and gender-fluid people, because 40% of all homeless people start out as kids who were kicked out of their homes because of their sexual identities. The people who were supposed to protect and love them, their parents or caregivers, turned their backs on them because of ... well, who knows why. There's really no excuse at all for that kind of behavior. 

People are people - anywhere along the sexual spectrum. Why are
we hearing about so many new definitions now? Maybe because
people are finally courageous enough to speak out. 

So today's blog turned into a bit of a downer, but let's be real, folks. In this season of happy and lights and Santa Claus, there is a darker side and there are people who are pushed away into the dark alleys because looking at them would be an embarrassment for too many others. Let's stretch out our hands and accept, help, and respect ALL peoples, not just the select few who fit our molds. Happy Monday - get your last-minute shopping done, wrap those presents, and have a great day! 

Just Say "No" - Is It Said Enough?

To my friends who were looking forward to the "Great American Baking Show" as much as I was, we were doomed for disappointment. I turned it on at 8:00 pm on Thursday, only to find the "Great Christmas Light Fight" on instead. The different places we check for listings on commercial TV all agreed that we should have been seeing bakers make macaroons and gingerbread houses, not watching idiots string so many lights onto their homes that they were in danger of causing a black-out for their cities. I sent off a rather angry email to my local station and they responded with the whys and wherefores early the next day. *sigh* yet another case of inappropriate behavior. The response was: 

"The Great American Baking Show" was pulled by ABC. ... (the network statement follows)  "In light of allegations that recently came to our attention, ABC has ended its relationship with Johnny Iuzzini and will not be airing the remainder of "The Great American Baking Show" episodes. ABC takes matters such as those described in the allegations very seriously and has come to the conclusion that they violate our standards of conduct. This season's winner will be announced at a later date. ..." 

Johnny Iuzzini made his own problems this time. The
initial accusations of four women were followed up by
accusations from another four, and after investigation,
ABC cancelled the "Great American Baking Show"
airing, effective immediately. 

So, once again charges of sexual harassment have raised their heads, causing reactions that changed the lives of many in a broad and sweeping stroke. I'm far from disagreeing with this trend. It does seem, however, that every piece of woodwork currently features a sexual harassment accusation. I'm at the point of supporting these women, yet wondering if all claims are legitimate. These particular claims do appear to have teeth - more than eight women over the span of almost a decade in various restaurants. But other accusations made against other people may not be as strong. 

Every industry has sexual harassment charges, but those people working
in the entertainment industry are certainly feeling the negative press and
immediate publicity. Want to know about this wall of people?
Follow the link. 

Over the past three months or so, when cries of "sexual harassment" have been heard almost daily, rock bands have lost their record labels, managers and tour dates. Movie stars have been escorted off sound stages and written out of productions. Entertainment personnel, from the small blips to the great and mighty have fallen under microscopic scrutiny. This is, in the main, a very good thing. 

Women are speaking out about inappropriate behavior. That's
a great thing! It's never easy to face bad experiences
and crack them open again. 

I think back on my youth and I was stupid, and in cases very lucky. My issues with sexuality were when I was very young, not when I was actually old enough for sexual activity, raging hormones, and stupid decisions. I recall at least three separate occasions while in college when I left the home or apartment of someone, saving me from what could easily have been a situation of rape. I recall saying "No" at some really important times, or walking home alone in the cold and snow rather than stay with someone. I was no nun, but I still had some common sense. 

Are we teaching our kids to understand the power
of "No"? Are we teaching them to walk away
or phone a cab or stay with friends? Are we
teaching them safe behavior? We can't lock them
up in a castle tower until their Prince comes
looking for them. 

Are we training our children to be sexually intelligent? Will they say "No" at appropriate times and leave uncertain situations behind them? Will they understand that others can and sometimes will take advantage of them? I don't think this is covered in basic sex-ed classes, and doubt that a lot of parents will take the courageous step of telling their kids about sexual predators among their peers and employers. Maybe they should just grit their teeth and add it to their "birds and bees" and their "don't talk to strangers" discussions. 

On that note, have a wonderful weekend. I'll be on my way to the pool soon, but will have to shovel away the snow that fell overnight first. *sigh* Nothing like adding another 30 minutes of work into my early morning. Oh well, nothing to be done. Snow comes with living in the Frozen Northlands. 

Here's a Sexuality and Comfort Question For You...

An acquaintance of mine (J) was recently given tickets to see Cher by her husband who accompanied her to the concert. She's a huge Cher fan, he's not, but he knew his wife loved the singer and wanted to give her an experience that she would remember for the rest of her life. So they dressed appropriately (she's quite the glam queen) and saw her while they were on vacation a couple of weeks ago. I happened to see J recently and asked her how the concert was.

"Fabulous," she gushed.

"And how about his Imperial Badness? Did he enjoy the concert too?"

"Well...not so much."

Cher, now in her upper 60's, is still a very attractive woman and
a rare talent in the field of entertainment. 

On further inquiry, it was revealed that the reason IB didn't like the concert wasn't the quality of Cher's performance. No, the reason IB didn't like the concert was because of all the gay men seated in the rows directly ahead of them. Apparently having a large group of gay men "...twittering and gesturing and dancing..." directly in front of him brought his hetero-armor to the front.

She continued her explanation and said that although he normally was not a demonstrative person in public, he put his arm tightly around her shoulders, pulling her against his body, and held her there for the duration of the concert as if to say "I'm not gay. I came with a woman, not a man."

Public displays of affection are fabulous. I didn't feel that IB's actions
were a PDA, however, rather almost a heterosexual battle stance. 

I was amazed, to tell the truth. That he would feel so threatened by homosexuals in close proximity to him floored me, and it got me to thinking...

In any group of women, you're probably going to have several women
who are not heterosexual, or at least who are not exclusively heterosexual.
I don't find that to be a problem or a reason for me to feel
uncomfortable within the group. Is my feeling of comfort that unusual? 

As a woman who has friends and relatives who are either gay or lesbian (and a few transgender), I have never felt threatened by them in any way. To be clear, I'm a female who is 100% heterosexual. There's no longing or desire hidden deep within me for a female to share my bed or my life at all. But I also have no issues having females or males who are gay as friends, or going out on the town with friends of any sexuality. I'm just not threatened in that respect.

I have to ask, so I'm throwing out the question. Is IB's reaction common? Do males feel more threatened by close proximity with homosexuals than females do with lesbians? Do they mind the thought that someone may be admiring their body who is of the same sex? Personally, although my body is nothing much to look at now, I was always happy to be thought of as attractive when I was younger and more slender. In fact, as a teenager and young woman I was striving to be attractive, so acknowledgement by my peers as well as the opposite sex was welcome. Do you, as a female or a male, feel threatened when someone of the same sex looks at you admiringly? Would you feel threatened in a similar situation as IB found himself in?

Why does IB's reaction seem to be a modern day version of donning
plate armor against an enemy incursion? 

So please share your thoughts on this. Do you feel threatened in any way if someone of the same sex compliments you? Do you feel on edge if you are in a group of gay people of the same sex? How about if those gay people are of the opposite sex? Still threatened? Or not? Give me your reactions and arguments because I'm really curious if IB's reaction was over the top (as I feel it was) or if my lack of reaction unusual or also over the top in the opposite direction.

Happy thoughtful Tuesday...