So I have a 10:00 am Zoom call with Andrew, my attorney. I need to get my feet under myself, talk basics, and figure out where I want to go. I'm lucky to get 20 words a day out of DH, and I know if I "talk" to him about how close to ending our marriage I am getting, he'll shut down like a door slamming in my face. I'm not ready for that yet. I'm still exploring any options at all that will give us a future together. But it's not looking positive right now.
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I'm still hoping for a miracle, but I don't think it's going to happen. He's got it into his head that the problems we are having are all due to my food program and that if I wan't sticking to those foods, all would be OK again. No. It's not that simple. |
WildFit is into the last few weeks and I'm really going to miss my Tribe. We've been there for each other, celebrating the wins and giving support for tough times. We're currently discussing things like living with WildFit and 3-day fasts (water and veggie smoothies only, no other foods, so not as tough as it could be), to help jump-start people who might be stalled. Realistically, a 3-day fast, or even longer, isn't really a problem. When it comes down to reality, air is the #1 thing we need, sleep is another thing that is necessary. Water ... the human body can do without it for a few days under pressure, but food actually comes way down the list. Nonetheless, I'll join with all of you in saying that I do enjoy food, and really don't have intentions of giving food up anytime in the immediate future. I'll probably try some fasts, but I'm under enough stress right now without adding that to the mix.
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I don't really want a divorce, but I don't think I can continue to live with his constant anger and depression. He won't seek help, and I can't force him. Maybe this will shake him up enough that he will look for counseling, etc., but I think it far more likely that he'll just lose his temper and get worse, not better. |
Having a Zoom call in the middle of my morning, along with another one with my Tribe at noon, splits my day in half quite effectively. I will be working in the kitchen this afternoon because I have things I have to make, but I'll also have to push through a quick trip to the grocery store and I need to drop a package off at Kohl's to return an item to Amazon. Meanwhile, my thoughts just won't stop whirling around and around. I feel like a dog chasing it's own tail, but the dog does it for fun, and this is anything BUT fun.
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I'd suggest Relationship and Couples Counseling, if I thought he would actually go and participate actively. I still might try it though. I hate to say I didn't do everything in my power to resolve this. I guess I'll start tracking down someone who might be able to help with that, not just talk to an attorney (although I've been dealing with DH & his tempers for decades, and I'm rather tired of them). |
Still, I will persevere, as the saying goes. I am strong and I will succeed in making the life for myself that I need to. I'd prefer it to be by DH's side, but we'll see. That may not be in the cards any more. So, have an excellent Friday and please, stay safe, be kind and please wear your mask. I'll be back tomorrow.
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