A Rare Sunday Post - "Things I Am Not Allowed to do On the Dig" for Randy (and all of you)

This is a rare Sunday post. I came across this in a friend's FaceBook feed this morning, and had to share it with Randy, in particular, and the rest of you also, because we all love Indiana Jones, don't we? So .. here we go - what Indiana Jones should be forced to sign before his next dig. I don't know who came up with the list, but it's brilliant! Enjoy and I'll be back tomorrow for my regular post. 

THINGS I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO ON THE DIG

 

1          I am not allowed to carry a whip.

2          Imitating Indiana Jones in any way is forbidden.

3          "For fun-sies" is not an acceptable synonym for "ritual purposes".

4          I am not allowed to use my trowel as a knife.

5          I am not allowed to use a skull to recite Hamlet. (It's insulting to the skull.)

6          I am not a general in the skeleton war.

7          I am not allowed to claim that I can raise the dead.

8          I am not allowed to sing "Hi-ho" while using a mattock.

9          If I am bit by an insect, I must report for treatment, not insist that I will become    Spiderman.

10        I am not "king of the spoil heat" nor do I "rule over the mighty clods".

11        Our university funding is for equipment, not alcohol.

12        I am not allowed to kick someone into the trench and yell "This. Is. Sparta."

13        I am not allowed to play "the floor is lava" in the trenches.

14        If jewelry is found, I am not to call it "my precious" nor horde it like Sméagol.

15        No artefact we find appoints me as the chosen one.

16        I am not allowed to start a gang.

17        I am not allowed to play baseball with shovels.

18        I will not switch the decaf with regular nor the regular with expresso, no matter how         efficient it would be.

19        I am not allowed to call the crew "gold diggers".

20        Or "grave diggers", however accurate that may be.

21        I am not allowed to have flashbacks to wars I was never in.

22        I am not allowed to act like I am possessed by the spirits of those we exhume.

23        I am not allowed to taunt the paleontologists.

24        Machetes are tools, not toys.

25        When someone asks, "Can I have a hand?" I am not going to give them a bag of hand       bones.

26        I am not allowed to talk about good places to bury a body to the public.

27        We do not perform virgin sacrifices.

28        We do not perform blood sacrifices either.

29        I am not allowed to act like a flamboyant fashion photographer while taking situ photos.

30        The drone is a tool, not a toy.

31        There are several tests to determine if it is a bone aside from licking it.

32        I am not allowed to be drinking when I should be working.

33        I am not allowed to refer to spilled drinks as "libations to the Gods".

34        The GIS is not my "wizard staff".

35        I am not allowed to insist that any inscription is a curse. It's probably graffiti.

36        Especially if I cannot actually read said language.

37        Take that hat off.

38        I am not to address supervisors as "master" or insinuate I am their minion.

39        I am not allowed to prescribe any medication to the undergrads. I have a doctorate, but I am not a medical doctor.

40        Doing any form of illicit substance is not considered experimental archaeology, even if I   write the results down.

41        A rain-filled trench is not a pool.

42        I am not allowed to talk like a pirate.

43        I am not allowed to join the local gang either.